Headache

You have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to come up with and type an essay for a music scholarship. I don't know why I deserve the thing I just want to get the money so I can take the lessons, why? Because I want to become better, why? Because maybe if I can increase my talents early on it will pave the road for a degree in musical theater. SO, I'm still trying to figure out how to end my opening paragraph. >.<

Sad Poem

A very sad, depressing poem. Mother, you don't want to read it.
But first, an anagram like thing.

People-oriented
Anger beyond reason
Inner feelings with no meaning
Nowhere to run to

The Life Before Death

Stuck inside a world I hate,

anger and frustration on my plate,

piling up like land fills,

running into me forming hills

of hurt & pain I can't endure,

screaming that I want no more.

"Mercy! Mercy!" is my cry.

I hear a laugh as they stand by.

My pain, my fear, for the world to see

as I slowly die in envy.

I wish I could live the life of anyone,

who didn't have to know they are now done.

The life I dream is a life now passed,

as the chamber is filled with gas.

I don't know what it was I did,

but I'm in what looks like a jar with a lid.

I can't see, I can't breathe, as my head spins,

I'm near a stone wall, propped up on some bins.

I can't stay here long, it's getting dark,

my head hits the wall and I feel a spark.

Closing

I see the light, I'm going now,

my eyes flutter close, I begin to bow,

my head falls aside, my jaw goes slack,

I don't think I'm ever coming back.

100th post

Oh, happy birthday Mom!

*woot woot* My 100th post. Pretty cool I guess. Idk, depends on how you look at it. Everything depends on how you look at it. Like this part of a poem. Well I guess it's a poem but it's freeverse and barely makes any sense. It's not finished yet & I'm probably not going to finish it either just because it's kind of confusing and requires me to be in the same mood I was at the time of writing it, in which I'm not in sooooo...


WARNING: don't read if your in a good mood & don't think this is somehow about me. It's not.

hatred, fear, pain, hurt,
sorrow, depression, sadness, guilt,
we hide the feelings that turn us insane,
we cover this with a smile not felt.

we show no fear to anyone,
for their thoughts didn't matter anyway,
we cover it all with shows and things
pretend it didn't happen,
lose the memories.

hopes, dreams, courage, happiness,
all go together like leaves on a plant,
they stick around forever and always,
until some one comes and plucks it off
alone it dies.

sad, apart, and alone.

Saturday

And then it rained.

♥Kay♥

I just don't know

BULL! BULL BULL BULL IT'S ALL A BUNCH OF BULL!

Okay no it's not. I am very close to tears right now so you know what has happened. I really don't think I need to explain. I am going to end up crying for a good part of the night so don't expect me to be on anything a lot.

On the 26th of April too. The day right before my birthday. Oh how many tears I shall shed. Hopefully that day that we planned for the park will stay the same. We can invite all of the people who would come now and just make it a closed picnic instead of one open to the public. Maybe we can see everyone together again. I don't know, I just don't know.

I don't want to lose my family and I don't want to lose the people I love. I can't stand the thought of it. It's too much to bear. How did this happen? Could no one see the signs? We all just chose to ignore it and look where we ended up.


Why won't it rain?
Kay

P.S. I don't doubt that this isn't God's fault. He hasn't done anything wrong. It is the people that have caused this church family great pain & now with the fact that we are more then likely going to split to multiple churches scares me. I know that God isn't the accused and He has done nothing to me except love and care for me so I am not mad at Him. No, I am mad at myself & at the upper boss people. They should have told us earlier!!!!!

Love

Love is like fire,
It spreads quickly throughout us,
Love is a liar,
We feel what we know is wrong,
Love is like pain,
You will never go a day without it,
Love is like rain,
One minute the skies are clear and it looks like there's no hope and the next you're being poured on,

Love is something special...
and we all take it for granted. We live on through each day and go through the motions, through the feelings. We don't stop and tell the people we care about the most how much they mean to us. We don't tell them that we love them.

We care, we pray, we hope, but do we really love? How do we show this then? What can we do to prove our love for them? We can't. God will give us a time to do this, we just need to be open & ready for it. It's difficult to know when this is happening. However, this is only my perception of love.

Love is a special word that always means something different to each individual. I can't tell you what love is, I can't show you what love is like, all I can do is give you my interpretation.

I love many people in my life with a deep passion, one of family, but closer. They are called my friends and I truly don't think they know just how much I love them. I would sacrifice my life for any and all of the them. I love them all, but I don't think they know how much.

& it's very likely that they never will.


I wish it would rain.
Kay

Show

I am not happy, but instead of spilling my guts out and telling everyone my plans I am going to sit down, shut up, and stuff my face with pop and popcorn. Period.

♥Kay♥